Control.

What if there was a group of people that controlled the world. Like they are cnotrolling our brains and every event that happens in life is a set up for another evenet...what if every aspect of our every day lives is a pre-planned and crucial event! Terrorist attacks, sports wins and losses, successes and failures, and even car accidents. everything is planned.

what if somebody deletes this post because i'm giving away their secret.

I can imagine it now... a group (or one person) of people sitting in a control room looking at our lives through video cameras that are installed everywhere around the world (we just can't see them)...
creepy.

Curiosity.

Questions of the day:

1. why do we eat from our mouths and not our belly buttons?
2. why we walk on our feet but not on our hands?
3. why do we fall in love? or do we?
4. why do we drive on the right hand side and the rest of the world drives on the left? how did that happen?
5. why do we indent the first sentence of a paragraph?
6. why is the sky blue somedays and white others? or yellow? or red? or purple? or pink?

sometimes I wonder.

Curve Ball.

Why does everything in life hit you at once?
Yesterday I found out that the one part of my life that I thought was stable, wasn't. The rock that I lean on, crumbled. Now while he puts the pieces back together, I stand with shaky legs on an unstable surface.It's strange how life throws surprises at you. While I worry about who I'm going to lean on, I also have to worry about making sure he becomes whole again. What do you do when the ground gets pulled out from under you?
pray? distract yourself? sulk? personally, I prefer the latter statement, but I know that's really not an option.

The worst part is that even when life throws you this huge curve ball, you're not allowed to strike out and go sit down. Because as much as you think life is like a baseball game, it's not. Even when you strike out, you have to keep going. Even when you're thrown a curve ball, you have to keep trying. Even when you earn 3 strikes, you're life keeps going. You may forget which base you belong on. You may even lose you're team mates, but you're baseball game keeps going. You are destined to run those bases until the day you die. Sometimes you may run forwards. Sometimes you may run backwards. The point is, you're still running. 

Today, I struck out, ran backwards, and slid too short of a base, but I'm still playing this crazy game.

Not Original

there have been so many people in this world that at some point and time somebody has had the same thoughts as you. So technically, when you think your idea is NEW and AMAZING...you are wrong. Somebody has thought the same thing before...they may have never acted on it but they had the same thought.

isn't that weird...it's like you're thinking the same thing as someone maybe 30 years or 100 years before you were even alive. super creepy.

What if someone looked just like you? This whole Doppelganger thing gets me thinking...there are only so many different combinations of genes so at some point and time in history, someone looked almost identical to you.

Now that's some food for thought.

sometimes life takes you to strange places.
you don't know why you end up in a place but clearly there's a reason why you're there.
you meet people and you realize that they entered your life for a reason.

today i ended up at the mall. for a reason i honestly can't remember.
and i wandered aimlessly for about 30 minutes and finally walked into this store...a store i would never shop at.
the owner started talking to me and it's like he knew me better than i know myself right now. He read me like an open book.
It seemed like the only reason i ended up at the mall was to meet this man. a strange man i must say. This man attempted to give me insight to solve my life's problems. I left without saying thank you. I wish i had said thank you.

Why is life such a roller coaster ride? and each ride gets harder and harder to walk off of...at least in the same state as you began in .

how was a whole world of people created?
where did the first human come from? i don't understand...
and after that question is answered how come we all live in different places and speak different languages when technically we should all be related. we have to be.

Why you?
courage and honor.
Is that what you were in search of?
all I want is  for you to stay
all you want is to be courageous.
Did you think of everybody else in the world but me?
I hope you were right when you said you'd always be there.
How long?
you can't answer that
and that hurts the most.
Do you live on edge the same way I live on edge?
anticipating.

Why are hardships in life supposed to make you stronger?
Some days I just think about how hard life is. People die, people leave, sicknesses are diagnosed and pain boils inside of us. It builds and it builds and finally you can't take it anymore. You break down or you begin to feel apathetic. Pushing all feelings outside of you and blocking memories out of your mind. Is that my new found strength? Being able to block memories and forget that emotions exist? I don't really see that as a strength.

While reading an army wife's blog post called incoming she helped me realize that hardships for us are irrelevent compared to the hardships for those overseas fighting "our war"...i realize that but i still complain..why? why do i feel like the world is pulling me under when in reality i'm safe from all harm?

As I ran around with 8 million things to do, the real life difficulties trumped my academic stresses. I don't understand what new strength I'm supposed to gain from the hardships. I wish I knew because maybe I'd work harder to process the situation and accept the outcome rather than avoiding the situation all together.
I need an answer before I have to ask the question.