Coming to Terms

So today i realize i ask alot of questions and i realize that theres a reason why i'm asking them, but i don't acknowledge that. I don't take the reason into consideration and quite frankly, on this blog, i don't even state the reason...maybe the answers to my questions will be easier to grasp if i consider my reason for questioning. Well, from now on, i'll tell you what's going on in my life and then i'll ask the question.

 Today i finished The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks. Well, it's being made into a movie and once you watch the movie, you can't read the book! it's just not the same. The book is amazing and i feel like it connects to everyone because everyone's had someone pass away in their life and it's never easy to understand or deal with. Anyways, while i'm reading the book, my mom ironically gets a phone call from our family friend and we get news that her mother-in-law has passed away due to cancer. I find it extremely ironic because that's exactly where i was in my book and then we get that phone call...and it was all really strange, but my family went to visit our family friend and spend a little time helping with whatever they needed. The next day, while on the phone with her best friend, my mom mentions to her that so and so's mother-in-law passed away and tells the story and then says yeah she passed away at 2pm and i'll never forget the words that came out of her mouth next. After listening to her best friends response, my mom said (and i'm dead serious), "yeah, so how do i get to that kitchen store?" I understand that they were probably talking about a kitchen store before my mom brought up the death but I was extremely taken back by how quickly the topic changed...and it made me think about how fast we move on and how somebody passing is hard but really its just another step in life.
Why do we have so many emotions that control our actions? Better yet, how do our emotions change so quickly? If i think about how i've reacted to different situations in my life, if i had slightly altered an emotion, i could be in a completely different place in life. That's an amazing thought. Emotions drive our personalities and basically every aspect of our lives.
Do you think that people actually embrace their emotions? whether it's in relation to death, love (which is a whole different story), happiness, joy, courage...do you think people just take the second to embrace the emotion before letting it consume our minds? Maybe i should try it...because i know i dont. My emotions consume my body faster than i can think. Maybe by embracing emotions we can control emotional reactions...actually i take that back. I think every reaction is, in some way, an emotional reaction. I need to continue to evaluate this...but i'll get back to you.

Sneak Attack

How many ways do people avoid pain everyday?
I would guess at least every minute somebody avoids a painful thought. A thought that brings back painful memories...you know how they sometimes creep up on you when you see something that reminds you of it...it being the memory ofcourse...it's like the memory is dropped into your head all of a sudden. you're hit when you're unprepared. I'm not sure how I feel about my memories sneaking up on me.
I can see it in my head...a little dark shadow sliding down a rope above my head and dropping into my mind.

Clearly, pain is something that is hard to avoid. You can't run from it because theres nowhere to run.

Pathway of Unity

If you walked in a straight line foreverrrr you'd go all the way around the world. how long do you think you could walk in a straight line before running into something...like a building or a tree? What if the world globally decided to make a straight pathway around the circumference and if you walked on that path you'd circle around the world forever...
would the path go over the ocean or under the ocean?...i'd say under...maybe like cable car type thing but a cable submarine? would that even work.

Wouldn't it be cool looking at this straight path in a outerspace?
I feel like since we're so technologically advanced, this would be possible. But considering that there have been so many people in this world, somebody's had this thought before. I wonder if they came up with a solution or proposed it? AH! What if the person before me that had this thought was somebody famous...hmm i'm thinking politically famous. somebody that could have done something to create this but didn't because they thought it was stupid... I think its an AWESOME idea. how long would it take? i'm thinking a couple of years...like 6?

i'll keep thinking about it.

p.s....every pathway would be different! because in america we use concrete to make roads and side walks, in irelend they use like stones...

ohh and i just reconsidered all of this...
you can't unify the whole world because not every country would be involved in this...

Trafficking.

Human Trafficking


Today I saw a white van pull up to a nail salon and literally herd about 30 Asian women out of the van and into the back door. Human trafficking has always been appalling to me...i never understood how people can treat other human beings like animals without having any remorse. But more importantly, do you believe that these people accept their fate and believe that being s slave is there calling in life just like we believe being a doctor or a lawyer is our calling in life?

do they believe they even have a calling in life? What do you think they think about? In my life, I think about clothes and school and my friends and my boyfriend and my family...but they're life is a lot more complicated with a lot more struggles.
I wish I could understand what runs through their minds.

Control.

What if there was a group of people that controlled the world. Like they are cnotrolling our brains and every event that happens in life is a set up for another evenet...what if every aspect of our every day lives is a pre-planned and crucial event! Terrorist attacks, sports wins and losses, successes and failures, and even car accidents. everything is planned.

what if somebody deletes this post because i'm giving away their secret.

I can imagine it now... a group (or one person) of people sitting in a control room looking at our lives through video cameras that are installed everywhere around the world (we just can't see them)...
creepy.

Curiosity.

Questions of the day:

1. why do we eat from our mouths and not our belly buttons?
2. why we walk on our feet but not on our hands?
3. why do we fall in love? or do we?
4. why do we drive on the right hand side and the rest of the world drives on the left? how did that happen?
5. why do we indent the first sentence of a paragraph?
6. why is the sky blue somedays and white others? or yellow? or red? or purple? or pink?

sometimes I wonder.

Curve Ball.

Why does everything in life hit you at once?
Yesterday I found out that the one part of my life that I thought was stable, wasn't. The rock that I lean on, crumbled. Now while he puts the pieces back together, I stand with shaky legs on an unstable surface.It's strange how life throws surprises at you. While I worry about who I'm going to lean on, I also have to worry about making sure he becomes whole again. What do you do when the ground gets pulled out from under you?
pray? distract yourself? sulk? personally, I prefer the latter statement, but I know that's really not an option.

The worst part is that even when life throws you this huge curve ball, you're not allowed to strike out and go sit down. Because as much as you think life is like a baseball game, it's not. Even when you strike out, you have to keep going. Even when you're thrown a curve ball, you have to keep trying. Even when you earn 3 strikes, you're life keeps going. You may forget which base you belong on. You may even lose you're team mates, but you're baseball game keeps going. You are destined to run those bases until the day you die. Sometimes you may run forwards. Sometimes you may run backwards. The point is, you're still running. 

Today, I struck out, ran backwards, and slid too short of a base, but I'm still playing this crazy game.